Archive for August, 2010

Virgos Are Sexy Without Even Trying

Sunday, August 29th, 2010

I can hear the response already:  “What?  Virgos?  Sexy?  You’ve got to be kidding.”  But I’m not.  Prepare to be shocked as you discover why.

If you’re a Virgo type, you probably already know that some Virgo habits are viewed by potential partners as un-sexy.  Have you ever been called “picky,” “fastidious,” “perfectionist” or even the dreaded “nag?”  Even these traits, when viewed in the right way, can be completely sexy.  Here’s how:

1.    Virgo, you’re clean.  And what’s not to like about that?  Sure, you demand that your partner be clean too, but that’s not a bad thing.  Just don’t get all OCD about it.  Be reasonable.  And allow them a space that’s all their own, to have as messy as they want to.  Then take a space for yourself, in which you can play with order and chaos in the rhythm that feels right to you.  And find balance in the areas you and your partner share.

2.    You’re independent.  The definition of a virgin in ancient times was “an independent woman, an unmarried woman, a woman complete unto herself.”  Obviously, not all Virgos are female but the truth is, Virgos of both genders don’t really need anyone else.  This actually gives you a huge advantage in the relationship arena—you don’t appear desperate.

3.    You’re a perfectionist.  Sure, you want the perfect partner.  But you also want to be the perfect you.  To those who relate with you, it appears as if all the judgment is directed outwardly.  But if they could get inside your head, they’d quickly realize that even more judgment is self-directed.  Ten times more.  This means a Virgo is self-maintaining.  Who wouldn’t want to be with a person who is always striving to improve themselves?

4.    Virgo is the virgin, right?  As a Virgo, you have a God-given ability to restore your virginity.  This is a conceptual, not a literal thing.  It’s in your mind (and as you probably know, the brain is the largest sex organ).  You can conceptually restore your virginity anytime you decide to close up your boundary.  You know exactly what I’m talking about, don’t you?  Don’t live with your boundary closed, Virgo, because when you open up to love again, it can be entirely fresh and new for you.  Just like the first time, only better and better as the years pass and you get more comfortable with your body and its appetites.

5.    As I’ve been saying, you have boundaries.  You know where all the lines are.  This means that transgression really means something to you.  When Virgo lets her hair down, she really lets it down.  There’s no one more lapsed than a lapsed Catholic and there’s no one who understands sheer kinkiness than a person who is hyper-aware of impropriety.  You get where I’m going with this?  Absolutely nobody misbehaves better than Virgo.

Now it begins to make sense how some people fantasize about nurses and like to “play doctor.”  Virgo has inherent hotness all her own.

Love yourself, Virgo!  Put those perfectionist tendencies to work on learning to relax, and to relish your body and your life.  Because maybe—just maybe—you are already completely perfect.

Got a favorite Virgo you’d like to celebrate this year?
(It might even be you!)
A birthday astrology reading
will provide powerful insights all year long.
Click here to find out how.

This is a repost of an article I wrote for the San Francisco Bay Area Women’s Journal.  You can find the original here.


Saturn and Pluto In Square: Contents Under Pressure

Friday, August 20th, 2010

This month Saturn and Pluto meet in a clash of wills.  This is the third—and blessedly final—pass of their difficult square, which began last November.  This square is causing people everywhere to feel as if they are caught between the proverbial rock (Saturn) and hard place (Pluto).  This pairing IS the recession, in a nutshell.  Here’s a scene to illustrate it.

Pluto and Saturn have caught a Human Being and put him in a vise.  Saturn is pushing from one side and Pluto the other.  The Human is in torment.
Human Being:  When will this pressure let up?
Saturn:  I won’t let up until you succeed in the way you’re supposed to.  I have high standards for you.
Pluto:  I won’t let up until you face your demons.  There’s a ton of repressed, buried, hidden psychological garbage deep inside you that I demand you look at.
Human Being:  I give up.
Saturn:  You’re not even allowed to do that.  Every day you have to get up out of bed, drag yourself to work and at least show your face.  If you can do more, more will be demanded of you.  You must become excellent under pressure.
Pluto:  Meanwhile, your darkness beckons.  How about a drink?  Are you craving something sugary and fatty?  How about some pot?  Or perhaps you’re ready for something harder and more illegal. . .
Saturn:  Don’t take that stuff.  No matter how it feels.
Human Being:  Why not?
Saturn:  It relieves the stress for only a short time and then you feel worse.
Human Being:  I’d do anything to feel better right now.
Pluto:  I’ve got the stuff for you!  How about sex?  Mmm, yummy hormones?
Saturn:  Believe me, you don’t want it.  You’re barely holding it together.
Human Being:  Hey wait a minute, guys.  I saw an astrologer the other day.  She told me that if I give you what you really want, you’ll let up on me.
Saturn (taken aback):  That’s true.
Pluto:  But you have to figure out what it is.
Human Being:  I’ve been studying up on this.  Saturn, you want me to take responsibility.
Saturn:  Yes.  Then I’ll stop the endless stream of self-judging messages I’ve put in your head.
Human Being:  And Pluto, you want me to go through a metamorphosis, right?  A kind of death-and-rebirth process?
Pluto:  Yes.  It has to involve an emotional purge.  And until you do it, your demons will nip at your heels.
Human Being:  This is a dilemma—how do I surrender to both processes at once?  How do I let go of attachments and face my uncomfortable cravings for Pluto’s sake and also hold to my promises for Saturn’s sake?
A light bulb goes off over Human Being’s head.  It glows brightly.
Human Being:  Hey, I’ve got it!  Saturn, I want you to build me a structure.  Make it extremely strong, strong enough to withstand even the worst Pluto can deal out.
Saturn:  Huh.  Ok.  How’s this?
He waves his hand and a giant cauldron appears.  It’s made of iron and has thick walls.
Human Being:  That’s perfect.  Now, Pluto, put your strongest phoenix-solvent into the cauldron.
Pluto cackles with glee and waves his hand.  A molten, fiery liquid pours itself into the cauldron from thin air.  The Human Being gulps in fear.  He takes off all his clothes and folds them carefully until he is standing, shivering and buck naked, before the cauldron.
Human Being:  Ok, here goes!
He jumps into the cauldron.
Human Being:  Oh God that hurts!
Pluto:  You did this to yourself, you idiot!
Human Being (sweating buckets)Self-sabotage is the flip side of transformation.  I’m changing into a finer form of myself.
Saturn:  Honor your promises!
Human Being (weeping uncontrollably):  I’m doing that, even though it takes everything I’ve got.
Pluto:  Life isn’t fair—you deserve better than this!
Human Being (raging and flailing):  That may be so, but it doesn’t mean I get to act out in my friendships, my family, my marriage or my career.
Saturn:  When are you going to finally be recognized for how hard you work?
Human Being (laughing hysterically):  I don’t know, but I do know that if I respect myself, then others will respect me too.
His body is being cooked down, burnt to a crisp.  But something else is happening too—something miraculous.  He is beginning to glow with a preternatural light.  He is beginning to look angelic.
Human Being:  Now I understand!  Being the best me possible is worth the effort.  Not just for what the things it will get me, but for the power of knowing who I really am.  I finally feel like the real me for the first time in my whole life.  Now I truly have peace.
By now, the weird fiery liquid has subsided.  What remains is an ashy dust.  He steps out of the cauldron, a shining being.
Human Being:  Thank you.  Both of you.  That experience was exactly what I needed.
Saturn (to Pluto):  Do you think we succeeded in scaring him?
Pluto:  No, damn it.  In fact, I think he’s one of us now.  He’s a god.
Human Being (looking at the glow of his own hands):  Woah.

Let your integrity force you to do what is right during these trying times.  They are times of testing for us all.  Allow the pain of it to burn away everything that isn’t truly you.  You don’t have to destroy your whole life to make it through this process.  Your essence will emerge unscathed.

Are you feeling the pressure?  If you want to know more
about exactly how this challenging transit affects you personally,
you can find out in a reading with Jamie.
Contact her to find out more.

Other posts in this thread:
Saturn and Pluto Square Off: Discipline Meets Death


Jupiter Opposes Saturn: Optimism Vs. Pessimism

Wednesday, August 18th, 2010

When last we saw Jupiter and Saturn, they were trying to reconcile their differences with the help of a Human Being who had climbed up onto Mount Olympus to talk to them.  Today they’re having an argument about whether optimism or pessimism is the right approach to life.  We catch them taking a break in the argument.

Jupiter:  Hey Saturn, last time we argued, we got a Human Being to help mediate.  How about we try that again?
Saturn:  That’s the first thing you’ve said that I’ve agreed with!
He scans the Earth, then points.
Saturn:  Look, there’s one now.  She’s just graduating from university and has a lot of important years ahead of her.  She needs to hear from me.
Jupiter:  And me!
The two of them turn into clouds of smoke and whirl down to Earth, where the Graduate is backstage, just about to give a valedictory speech.  When they appear before her, she nearly falls over in surprise.
Graduate:  Woah!  Hey, you’re not. . .
Jupiter:  We absolutely are!
Saturn:  Bona fide deities, at your service.
Jupiter:  We just want to help, but we get kind of tangled up sometimes. . .
Saturn:  Because we disagree so much.  It’s his fault.
Jupiter:  No way!  I’m always ready to agree!  It’s just that you’re such a pessimist.
Saturn:  I’m not a pessimist.  I’m a realist.  There’s a difference.
Jupiter:  A wet blanket is more like it.  You always see the downside of things.
Saturn:  That’s because I’m a problem-solver.  I spot what’s not working and fix it.
Jupiter:  Think positive!
Saturn:  Stay in touch with reality!  And look before you leap!
Jupiter:  He who hesitates is lost!
Saturn:  Be the diligent ant, not the frivolous grasshopper!
Jupiter:  All work and no play make Jack a dull boy!
Saturn:  Early to bed and early to rise make a man healthy, wealthy and wise!
Jupiter:  Like Ben and Jerry said, ‘If it’s not fun, why do it?’
By now, both of them are shouting at each other across the Graduate.
Graduate:  I’m so confused!
They are starting to poke at each other, so she pushes them apart.
Graduate:  All right.  You came here for mediation, so here goes.  Now Jupiter, you have hope, right?
Jupiter:  Yes, of course.
Graduate:  And Saturn, you have long-term goals, correct?
Saturn:  Well, who doesn’t?
Jupiter:  Everyone other than you, that’s who!
Graduate:  Shut up, Jupiter.  I’m thinking.  And what I’m thinking is that you two actually have a lot in common.  You both like to think about what might be and move towards it.  You just do that in different ways.
Saturn:  Very different.
Graduate:  You, Saturn, see the goal, notice the gap between here and there and then critique yourself towards the place you want to be.
Saturn:  Nothing wrong with that.
Jupiter:  Says you!
Graduate:  And you, Jupiter, you are always filled with positive expectation, very focused on places other than the here and now, right?
Jupiter:  Yep.
Graduate:  And your approach is to be adventuresome, exploratory and expansive, right?
Jupiter:  Of course.  Why would I want to be different?
Saturn:  So I can believe your promises, idiot!
Graduate:  Chill!  I’d like a clear statement of purpose from both of you.  Saturn first.
Saturn:  If you undersell yourself, you will always be able to over-deliver.  This makes people take you seriously.  It garners you respect, status and power.  My way makes the world a better place—through hard work, self-discipline and integrity.
Jupiter:  But if you don’t toot your own horn, how will people see what you have to offer?  Aren’t you sick of being surpassed by people who aren’t better than you, but just have more self-confidence?  You’ve got to believe in yourself before anyone else can believe in you.  My way makes the world a better place by rewarding you for what you’ve done right instead of punishing you for what you’ve done wrong.
Jupiter and Saturn glare at each other.
Graduate:  Ah, I see where this is going.
Jupiter:  Life is a wide-open landscape in front of you.  The possibilities are endless.
Saturn:  So you’d better figure out what you want to do and get started fast because time’s a-wastin’ and the way to success is to get on track and stay there till you arrive.
A giant light bulb appears over the Graduate’s head, glowing brightly.
Graduate:  Now I get it!  Having both of you here is giving me much better advice about my future than either of you could give me alone.  Without you, Saturn, I’d have no purpose, no goals to strive for and I certainly wouldn’t have the strength of character and integrity to follow through on those goals.  But without you, Jupiter, I’d have no hope, no reason to get out of bed in the morning and I’d forget why I do it all.  Life would have no meaning.  So I’m afraid you’re going to have to get along with each other, because I can’t choose between you.  I need you both.
Graduate gathers both deities together for an uncomfortable group hug.  She gives each a giant kiss on the cheek.  Jupiter puffs with pride, Saturn contracts bashfully.
Graduate:  God, suddenly I feel like I’m in a buddy movie.  Now go on, you two—other people need you too!
She gives them a push.  They grin and go up in individual puffs of smoke.  The Graduate smiles to herself, then turns and walks onstage to give her commencement speech.

Previous post in this thread:
Jupiter Opposes Saturn: Expansion vs. Contraction
Jupiter and Saturn make their final connection in March of 2011.


Jupiter And Pluto Go On A Binge

Tuesday, August 3rd, 2010

When last we saw Jupiter and Pluto, they were just dragging themselves shakily away from a crash landing.  Today we find them in Jupiter’s (very messy) living room, occupying a stuffed chair and outdated, falling-apart sofa, looking at some objects on the coffee table.

Jupiter:  Pass me the pipe.
Pluto passes the pipe, after stuffing it with high-grade but indeterminate stuff that could have come from any country or century on Earth.  Jupiter takes a big puff, then emits giant, deity-sized smoke rings.
Jupiter:  Ah, this is the life.
Pluto:  But how about the death?
He’s closely examining some harder drugs that are lying around on the coffee table, along with several baggies of miscellaneous pills and some half-finished bottles of the hardest liquor available.
Pluto:  What do you think would happen if we took all these at once?
Jupiter:  We’d die.
Pluto:  I could swear we’ve already established that we can’t do that.  We’re gods.  So, really—what do you think would happen?
Jupiter:  Dude, you always ask me questions like that.  You know I’m not the guy to stop you.
Pluto (smirking):  Yeah, leave that to Saturn, the old prude.
Jupiter:  But he’s not here!
They give each other the high-five and go back to the drugs and drug-taking paraphernalia.
Pluto:  Hey, how about we take all these, then go find a bunch of nymphs—
Jupiter:  How about a LOT of nymphs?
Pluto: —and then try to jump out a building?
Jupiter:  Been there, done that.
Pluto:  Then what’s left?
Jupiter:  I really don’t know.
Pluto:  It’s a good thing we don’t have mortal bodies.
Jupiter:  Yeah, because we sure know how to abuse them.  What makes us do it?
Pluto:  I’m drawn to intense, edgy experiences and you love adventure for its own sake.
Jupiter:  Yeah, but why do you have to be so extremely dark?
Pluto:  Can’t help it.  I’m the Lord of the Underworld.  Don’t really like the sunlight.
Jupiter:  I think I’ll find my limit before you do, and that’s saying something.
Pluto (with an evil grin):  Race you!
Jupiter:  You know I can’t resist a challenge like that!  On 3!
Pluto:  One. . .
Jupiter:  Two. . .
Pluto:  Three!
They quickly stuff everything edible into their mouths, chasing it with the alcohol, then smoke everything smokable and snort everything snortable.
Pluto (reeling dizzily):Oh wow!
Jupiter:  Wow-de-wow!
Pluto:  And double-wow!
Eyes rolling up in their heads, both collapse on the floor.  Several centuries later, Jupiter begins to stir.
Jupiter (rolling over and smacking Pluto on the face): Hey, Pluto, wake up!
Pluto:  Hunh?
Jupiter:  What just happened?
Pluto:  Unh.  Dunno.
Jupiter:  Wake up, Pluto, I’m bored!  What can we do next?
Pluto:  When my headache goes away, I’ll think of something.

This is part 2 of what will become a 3-part thread about the current Jupiter-square-Pluto.
Part One is here:  Jupiter and Pluto Go To Extremes

These two obviously have a lot of potential for stirring up trouble when they get together.  But while Pluto’s addictive and self-destructive tendencies tend to be accelerated by the presence of Jupiter, it’s well to remember that Pluto rules not only the lowest lows, but also the highest highs—and Jupiter is capable of accelerating those as well.  The final installment of this thread (which will be posted in February of 2011) will look more closely at those highest highs.